Ten years ago, when I was fifty-one, I sang for the first time since childhood. I must have sung as a young child, although I don't remember doing so. I suppose at some point early on, I started to feel self-conscious. I also don't remember anyone else in my home singing. Sadly, later in my childhood, and especially as a teenager, there didn't seem to be much to sing about. This occurred despite there being lots of music around. My father loved Ella Fitzgerald and Broadway show tunes as well as classical music. He also listened to what I disparagingly referred to as "war music" - that great era of the big bands (which I now love as it turns out, along with spinach and sweet potatoes). But no one sang or even sang along. Actually, that's not entirely true. My mother did totally embarrass me once in my early teens when she sang along at a musical we once attended together. I think that was the last time I participated in that kind of activity with her. Otherwise, it was a singing-free household. I grew up loving music as well as dance but as far as singing was concerned - that just wasn't something I did or more importantly, felt I was any good at. I didn't think I could sing on pitch or even carry a tune.
That all changed in 1998 when I found the spiritual path I now follow - the African Traditional Religion known as Yoruba, which hails from Nigeria, made its way during the Middle Passage to Cuba and the islands, and then made its way here. Don't ask what led me to that religion - that's another story and this blog is about singing.
Anyway, I was at a Bembe (a song and drumming celebration) for my Godmother Barbara Bey (Ibaye) and was standing next to one of my godbrothers. Everyone was singing our tradition's songs, some of which I had been listening to on CD and to which I knew the words. Except that I was humming. This godbrother turned to me, and in a rather loud voice, said "SING!" So I sang. And I haven't stopped.
Going from someone who for the most of her life didn't even sing in the shower, I have become quite the songbird. Since the Yoruba style of singing is Call and Response, I not only sing the Response but have taken it upon myself to learn the Call. Not only do I sing with enthusiasm and joy at all spiritual functions as part of the chorus but, believe it or not I have actually sung the lead on one occasion in front of others. In addition, I find myself often singing spontaneously throughout the day.
When I sing, my spirits are always lifted. For me, song is communication with the divine and the spirits of my ancestors. They let me know they have heard me by fulfilling my requests and accepting my thanks. It is a truly magical process,facilitated by the earnestness of my voice and the sincerity of my prayers. However, please don't totally typecast me. I've also been heard singing all parts of an entire CD of Dells' greatest hits and harmonizing with Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway. My husband, a professional singer (now isn't that ironic?) says that I have a good voice. And although I'm grateful for his feedback, what's important is that I've been able to connect with the deepest part of myself and be moved to tears of joy. To feel the vibration in the core of ones being is a spiritual connection - no matter what if any spiritual path you may be on. So, I encourage all of you out there to overcome whatever resistance, embarrassment, perfectionism and shyness you have have and SING! Sing as though your life depended upon it.
The truth is -- your life does.
To learn more about Kalila Borghini who is a Psychotherapist and Ordained Yoruba Priest practicing in Manhattan, visit her website at http://www.childofthestones.com/
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